finding hope in a cruel world

new year eve!!!!!

noreply@blogger.com (rudi) — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 08:05:00 +0000

omg finally 2009 has come to an end!

time for new year resolutions! this time i swear im gonna get it done. so i guess short and simple will be good.

1. exercise more. mon wed fri - run (this camp is so gonna make me die young - stress and unhealthy)

2. save up for a long holiday to either europe or arnd asia when i ORD in nov.

3. ok read more newspapers and books to prevent brain deterioration lol.

done. 4 simple wish for a not so simple year ahead. body, mind and soul (:

FML

noreply@blogger.com (rudi) — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 07:57:00 +0000

oh no, no where is safe... there are spies all around!!! informants to tell the boss if we are not doing our job well... totally crazy man. nw he even uses video cams and stuff as evidence to show us we din do our job well enough. if thats not bad enough there is like 4 phases of development when he scolds. preemptive strike, Nagasaki bomb, D-day strike and finally post invasion. ok in normal words... first call me say outside nv do properly, then come down blast the person, then he call me and scold me as im e ic, then leave the place t his office or out of camp for other stuff and then call me agn to be lectured. madness man....

monday problems

noreply@blogger.com (rudi) — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 14:11:00 +0000

whoever said people usually get monday blues on monday can nw change it to monday problems zzz...

life is so full of fucking irony and people who makes the word "plastic" seem so real... ugh...

oh heck, i tried typing out the entire story but i think its bit on the sensitive side... so shant bother. anw its just bout a case of hell or the deep blue sea. either someone cough out $780 to pay for the thing by fri, or the ppl involved will go to DB (detention barrack aka army jail). and one of the 2 people involved is one of my men... fucked up. of all the ppl in the world it had to be him... the one who is amongst the better few yet is quite blur and careless about stuff at times.

so now we try to get the other people indirectly to chip in so as to prevent them from being indirectly sent to the gallows... sounds simple? fat hope man. with a fucking retard who always acts up-there when bosses are arnd who wants to make life freaking difficult for the rest and just insist on being the bastard who is willing to see a nsf LCP who is earning 470 at max to pay for something that is twice his salary or go to DB. fucking hell. well, all i can say is that he has totally lost all my respect. when i first came in, i placed him in high regards... but nw all i can say is just stfu and get lost. if u wanna say no that badly, then just do it, dun need to go freaking round the bush and try to blow matters worse than it already is.

phew, with that off my chest till tmr morn, i can talk bout other stuff...

1) i saw yi zhe (my platoon mate at bslc) just nw at yishun interchange on the way home.... and he was still a CPL. i was like staring at him for quite a while coz i distinctly rmbed his face but tot he wld have became a PC or 3SG at the very least. i mean he was the freaking platoon best in bslc who got selected to crossover to OCS!!! wtf man... and now here i am as a spec and he as men level when he cld have became a 2LT or something... apparently he OOCed as he failed his JCC FFI then he got posted t sembawang camp as a tpt sup trainee... wth man.. life's totally made a mockery out of him lor...

2) i tink im totally feeling jealous... of xxxxxxxxx. i cant believe till now i cant swallow my ego over a matter which i tot had already passed... fucking hell, its totally horrible. weird dreams and sometimes even fb totally aint helping. gggggggggggggggggggaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh i need time out man...

pre-xmas shopping for myself ? or has the shopaholic side of me taken over?

noreply@blogger.com (rudi) — Sun, 20 Dec 2009 13:31:00 +0000

went for retail therapy with clayton on fri. was at lucky plaza first for dinner at the indo store there. taste-wise not bad, however bit too dry for my liking. then we went to shop for men's perfume/cologne (depends how u see it). omg we spent like half an hr in the shop testing so many kinds of perfume... it was like the test paper they give was almost a stack haha. so much so that the lady kinda got pissed with us being unable to make up our mind. lol. " i let u all try so many scents alr, and its impossible for me to know what u like. so u all must make up ur mind on what type u like before i can help u all and let u try new scents." haha so finally, after like millions of sniffs ( i felt like a sniffer dog looking for drugs haha) then we finally made up both our minds and made our purchase. (mont blonc starwalker for me and hugo boss for clayton). hmm i can imagine the face of the lady if we had just thanked her and walked away without buying anything muahahahaha :D

then part 2 was my turn again. got 2 pairs of jeans from levis as i wanted to trade in my 2 super baggy pair of jeans and i had a discount card haha. very nice (: luv levis material n cutting. just my type. nw left a couple more items on my shopping list till my nxt retail therapy which wld prob b a sony ericsson satio and a laptop... omg im totally spending like crazy these days haha. need to save for a post ORD holiday! damn... earning more just meant spending more too not saving more :P

note to self: get a seperate bank account for spending. so i dun see the other one. and can save that amount seperately... oh wells wait till end of dec then talk hahahahaha

noreply@blogger.com (rudi) — Sun, 20 Dec 2009 13:03:00 +0000

my life has totally been turning topsy turvy lately with quite a bit of changes in camp, lifestyle and stuff.

rsm changed from crazy chinese ex-gangster who picked on totally ridiculous things to fuck ur life upside down with u actually wondering wtf u did wrong to a super efficient indian work machine whose idea of regimentation and work can drive u totally up the wall, and one small mistake can risk signing the punishment book like its an autograph book. there i tot with the old man gone, life wld b slightly breathable, but guess not, this new old man is totally imba... i've totally had enough ext security spot checks this week to last me till i ORD lol. 4 in 3 days??? wtf man. made the old man squeeze me till i got nothing left in my guts zzzz

another thing is the fact that i went from fit to fat in a matter of 3 months. way too much junk food way too lil exercise. im like eating mac almost 2-3 times a week? and exercising mayb once in 3 weeks or a month?? totally flab-ulous. not to mention the occasional drinks and stuff during the weekend... how to maintain my ippt gold??? 200 bucks leh...

then of course there is my driving licence which i have yet to get. TP is on the 5th and i only have 1 more lesson... sian din manage to plan for the other lessons as i tot cld have booked it earlier. hopefully its a simple one time pass thing. im def not gonna waste my money learning in school.

then there is the issue of basically losing contact with way too many people simply coz of everyone hving their own timetable, own schedule in camp... everyone has their own life to live. so naturally meeting up and finding time to do so is totally difficult. yea well as they all say, time flies and a year has passed, but so did a lot of people. be it bmt, sispec, nyjc, cat high... whatever man. it just goes...

ok something totally random here... have u ever tried going to a dark area at nite and looking up into the sky and see all that shiny stars? i tink its a pity that with all that light pollution from the city, such simple natural beauty just fades away too. haha something i realised everytym i walk through the neighbourhood playground late at night.

shit im always typing the same old crap lately... ok nxt post will b bout more recent stuff

Life is a/an

noreply@blogger.com (rudi) — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 13:01:00 +0000

challenge. meet it.

gift. accept it.

adventure. dare it.

sorrow. overcome it.

tragedy. face it.

duty. perform it.

game. play it.

mystery. unfold it.

song. sing it.

opportunity. take it.

journey. complete it.

promise. fulfill it.

love. enjoy it.

beauty. praise it.

struggle. fight it.

spirit. realise it

puzzle. solve it.

goal. achieve it.

then there is one last one which i like best.

Life is a bitch. fuck it.

SNSD/Girls Generation- Tell Me Your Wish(Genie) MV 소원을 말해봐

noreply@blogger.com (rudi) — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 12:34:00 +0000

recap

noreply@blogger.com (rudi) — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 08:35:00 +0000

shit ORD season is here and i gotta wait for another 4 FREAKING LONG seasons before its my turn. 1 more yr to go and all i see and hear these days be it on fb, msn or in camp is ppl talking bout them getting back their pink ic and freedom...

a lot of things happened recently... my bro just finished his IB exams and now waits for his turn to have his brain turned off to hibernation for the nxt 2 yrs, im half way through my driving lessons. left bout the last 10 subj, i became from a GP tutor to an econs tutor... just had the first lesson tdy... was a srjc gal called fonteyn (err as for the other 2 ex students... yea one just embarked on his A's the other stop for hol break), as for in camp stuff, been thinking of how to implement new ideas for the RPs... oh and i almost died running the NB 15km real run. (guard room syndrome: grow fat, slack, eat and just rot till CSM aka slurpy comes by), new RSM coming tmr for a visit before he takes over on the 25th.

haha anw tdy my DL was a total failure lol. it was the first lesson i only passed one subj for one lesson... stupid u-turn. i think i was half asleep by the time i finished the first hr. zzzzzzz. gosh to think i slept at 10 last nite and woke up at 7 yet i still feel so tired... haha. i cant last pass 10 these days lol.

the weather...

noreply@blogger.com (rudi) — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 04:57:00 +0000

is a bitch... make up ur mind. either u remain nice and sunny or u just pour all the way. dun have this half fucked mind of oh lets rain, then change ur mind and say nvm lets bake the ppl on Earth. hot, cold, hot, cold, humid, whatever... all it does is breed the flu bug and piss ppl off zzz

LOL

Flash Mob at Raffles Place 23.10.09

noreply@blogger.com (rudi) — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 14:25:00 +0000

omg i so dun believe its happening in SG! hahaha things like this def brighten up the days of the busy working people in the area (: haha and i wld say its well done and brave :D

noreply@blogger.com (rudi) — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 14:45:00 +0000

i srsly have nothing much to blog bout these days other than army stuff... man im in camp like a good 75% of my life with the rest of it is spent sleeping or loafing arnd somewhere.

recently someone showed me a video bout guys having a brain made of many different separate compartments that work individually and cant mix while girls brains are made like a wired sponge where each and everything connects to everything else which also includes emotions... anw the guy giving the talk also mentioned bout the nothing box which guys have and girls will never understand. its just a space in our mind that has absolutely nothing, explaining the fact that we can stare into space doing absolutely not thinking of anything aka stoning... hahaha. well that explains a fair bit bout what i do in camp some days when its more relax.

GO INTO THE NOTHING BOX! :D

stone and rot away for a while till someone bothers u with more work lol.

haiz in camp every single problem becomes ur problem. it really taught me skills that i dun tink i can learn elsewhere. its not the hard skills but the soft skills. the people management skills. MSG henry and a few of the nicer BOSs taught me a whole load of stuff bout everything all through their past experiences. and i guess it helps in the working world next tym... srsly. at least im glad i find something good out of this entire ns life. but then agn its prolly coz of my vocation which entitles me to do admin work rather than typical warfare trng...

damn it, scold the RPs... then they start crying or scolding u behind their back. treat them nice, they may climb over ur head... fucked up sometimes.

ok that aside, dad just got a new car. nissan something cant rmb the name lol. haha seems just in time for my driving lessons which start on tues :) just kidding. woo excited! haha i pray i can get the whole course/driving test done before xmas... pretty pleaseeee :D

then there is the upcoming new balance real run and the SCM 42.195km run in dec and nov respectively. i tink im dead. haven been srsly training the whole while ive been in this camp. last time i can still say its a breeze. now i tink its a life threatening hazard lol.

noreply@blogger.com (rudi) — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 14:16:00 +0000

been surfing the net just now checking out the lonely planets website (click here).

yea, u can say this is a follow up for my last post. but well, it doesnt harm to check it out. haha one other idea popped up as i was browsing... overseas internship. that wld be something nice... and an experience of a lifetime. imagine going overseas to study/work for a short stint and still be able to explore the place like a tourist lol. and it has another big plus point. it adds to ur working resume in the future. okok admittedly when i first thought bout it, i din tink of the resume part... but well it came eventually.

BUT... (YES, SADLY I GOTTA ADD THIS BIG BUT ) its mostly only for undergrads and grads only zzz... so it means i cant do it before uni starts... sian.

shit too many ppl ORD-ing now or soon. get me thinking of the endless poss i can do if i wont in the army now :D

haha nvm. we alr have a ORD trip awaiting nxt yr or the yr after where sx and wy will be my tour guide round china since they both are from there haha! comon 1 year 1 month to go!!!

if i had the cash now...

noreply@blogger.com (rudi) — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 13:19:00 +0000

i wld ...

get a car? (yea rite not for another 5-6 years later haha)

get a macbook? (to replace my current relic of a laptop)

go on a long vacation round the world? (after ORD! inspired by my mum's cousin hehe)

venice

moscow

rome

korea

japan

china - promised to go there tgt with wy and sx after ord haha they be my tour guide (:

london

berlin

paris

angkor wat

wtf???

noreply@blogger.com (rudi) — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 13:04:00 +0000

when i heard this, i almost fell out of my seat. all thanks to aaron for posting it on FB lol. wtf... MJC imba...

Kiss [Because I'm A Girl]

noreply@blogger.com (rudi) — Sun, 11 Oct 2009 14:45:00 +0000

beautifully touching video. dun cry over it

noreply@blogger.com (rudi) — Sun, 11 Oct 2009 12:24:00 +0000

control time and not be controlled by it.

9 months in the army

noreply@blogger.com (rudi) — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 13:09:00 +0000

its been bout a month in sembawang camp alr. and say 9 months in army?

i tink i finally understand how they say army can change a person. in a way im quite glad that im in sembawang camp. yes i know ive been complaining bout all the problems it has and the crappy rsm. but... on the other hand this short month taught me a lot. i learnt a lot from all the different duty BOS, and duty personnel about the army, the camp, leadership and dealing with people. this is especially from the BOS, as they are all regulars who have seen the world longer than u, and handled diff sort of people and situations and coz they treat u as equals, its much easier for me to talk to them and hear bout their diff exp. i learnt to do things independently and think maturely in some sense i guess. but the best thing bout the camp is that at least most people i work with are SUPER NICE. haha at least it makes the place bearable. work is less painful yea... although a lot but there are a couple of ppl u can talk to and laugh tgt (:

its just like working life just that we have no motivation for promotion and pay rise...

cheated...

noreply@blogger.com (rudi) — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 15:46:00 +0000

gee... im tired and now totally confused.

one side a very good student, on the other side is well simply put it... cash.

so what happened was that the agency told the parent that 04x 1.5h =$100, or 08x 1.5h= $200.what i was told is $200 for 04 x 1.5h. so what happened to the other $100? fuck. the agency even sent me an sms to tell me that its $200 a month for 1.5h each. so who am i suppose to believe? now on the other side the parent showed me a receipt issued by the agency saying her story is true. fuck. i wanna teach that guy coz of his good attitude towards learning and he's nice to talk to. BUT. now with this situation i dunno what to do. what if she says my price is too steep, so let him go or shld i carry on? money or the heart. life sucks.

im a victim of the case where the heart is willing but the mind is not.

the other occasion where this happen but im on the other side of the story is... in camp.

csm whole day give off to all his men at s4 and hq branch like free liddat. then when it comes to his MPs (aka me and shaun) well all i can say is that the heart is willing but the mind is not. he damn stingy when it comes to us coz all our offs must apparently seek approval from rsm (equals impossible) dun understand why its even so. he's the guardrm ic leh.... so now the only source of off is by doing duty which is like wtf sia

sian. GG. someone. any advice?

tuition not enough?

noreply@blogger.com (rudi) — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 15:09:00 +0000

omg i tink enough is enough... my past 2 days had been burnt simply giving tuition zzz...

talk about wang zi chen long... more like kan cheong parents... all at first say wan 1 lesson a week. then come exam period tell me they wan double for this period, then ltr say they wan it permanently... wth... now i understand the meaning of opportunity cost. on one side is income from the tuition and on the other side is my weekend!!! zzz whats the point of earning so much yet having no time/no one to spend it (with) lol. 5 lessons in one weekend. nono...

haha oh yea talk about coincidence, one of the tuition kids is from nyjc! and guess what? he's my junior from db haha. chong yan. what a joke :D

now im srsly considering whether i shld let bing hao (the china kid who came in a month ago and needs to pass his test on fri) have his wish of double lessons. ytd with 3 lessons in a row i almost died teaching travelling frm bishan to hougang then to admiralty. it was like the whole day from 11am all the way till almost 5 plus in the afternoon. totally shag. at least managed to meet up with the db guys and carol in the evening. makes the day so much better (:

nvm wait till after all the sec school kids finish their exam first then we shall review it agn. gah tmr gotta go work (camp) agn... zzz

lol family tree

noreply@blogger.com (rudi) — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 15:42:00 +0000

just came back from a family dinner at this authentic hokkien restaurant at balestier road. ok fine maybe it aint so much of a family dinner but rather an annual clan dinner. its basically a day where our "ang" family clan gathers and have dinner tgt. so everyone in the restaurant there is related to each other someway or another through this long line of family tree. this is to the extent that the clan is planning to organise a trip to our ancestral home town in fuzhou, china, end of the year. btw i found out that we are somehow related to this qing dynasty official who helped fight the british during the opium war... his name was lin something... cant quite rmb. frnakly speaking i cant see the link but according to my parents and uncles they said that its all stated in the family tree record... haha seems rather interesting

anw so i met a couple of people whom i nv seen before in my life who are my distant relatives of sort. e.g. my granduncles (who strangely were arnd the same age as my dad)... and a whole bunch of other people who were easily 60 and above. geez, i felt like a toddler in the midst of the whole group of grandpas and grandmas lol. the only 2 other people who were not in their 50s and above were some guys kids who are still at least in their late 20s...

lols so thats basically it for the day...

PS: at least tdy's tuition was not bad, everyone was in a good mood and willing to learn. hopefully tmr will be another good day (:

PPS: anyone wanna watch G-force? lol the gineau pig show.. (haha cant rmb how to spell) :D

noreply@blogger.com (rudi) — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 13:22:00 +0000

omg i cant believe that my weekend is gone before it even started. furthermore its suppose to b a LONG weekend. tuition on sat afternoon, dinner at nite. tuition on sunday morn and then another one in the afternoon. crap. i need to find a soln to make it all tgt on the same day or closer tgt...

november will be worst all thanks to driving lessons. zzz.

~PS: i think some horoscopes are strangely very accurate. i dread tues...

monday blues... leading to cravings-satisfying day

noreply@blogger.com (rudi) — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 14:29:00 +0000

the more i try to ignore my feelings, the harder it hits the next time when it comes back.

shit monday blues? crap. i think its coz of the morn sinus thingy. def need to exercise more these days. i realise once i dun do that, my nose wld become like a running tap... ok tmr will start with the trng for the RPs and myself. so lets ignore the fact that i specially alighted from 169 which was a direct bus frm camp to home specially to buy junk food that i was strangely craving over the past week. choc, coke, ice-cream, chips. hahahaha.

(B6G - ben) meet up

noreply@blogger.com (rudi) — Sun, 06 Sep 2009 13:06:00 +0000

its really amazing how we managed to meet after so long! as in everyone including myself and marcus. clement has been teasing me bout it the whole day that i haven been coming for like the meet ups for the past year or so maybe even longer haha. kk my fault, i lost my phone that time zzz. and the tonnes of trng we had back in nyjc. its been like almost 4 years now? since all 6 of us (weilin, yihui, clement, ben, marcus and i)(fine the no. mayb slightly diff depending on who's in sch that day) last sat in that room... err crap cant rmb the name of the place. anw its the one we have our human geog and physics papers near the chem labs there... yea whole day pon lessons during 1st 3 months then play cards or go walk arnd sch. got one time uncle kwek caught us playing and we got scolded by him :D

to think back, it din feel that long ago yet, its alr 3yrs plus. we were all talking bout uni and ns stuff, then did i realise actually yea we are freaking old... lol. 20yrs old now. plus 1-2yrs of ns + 3 yrs of uni.= 24/25yrs old till we start work gahhh...

putting that aside, yeap we had a good long chat at ion orchard. took some photos and basically relaxed and walked arnd for the whole afternoon. mmm nxt week will have another one before weilin goes back to UK...

at least my week ended well. as for whatever things that happen in camp during the week, well i decided to forget it. no point getting worked up over it anw. furthermore as long as everyone else is on ur side, life will be easier to live by haha :)

cheers :D

Coldplay - Strawberry Swing

noreply@blogger.com (rudi) — Sat, 05 Sep 2009 10:14:00 +0000

nice animation. (:

noreply@blogger.com (rudi) — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 14:29:00 +0000

life's been a total joke this week. its like everything that can go wrong basically went wrong

lack of manpower, investigation of personnel, upperstudy's mc = i take over everything being fresh and new to the system, then GSOC called, being target board for rsm for the past 3 days... and the list goes on even to the extent of having my tution assignment held pending coz the parent thinks im irresponsible for changing it last min ytd as i was held up in a meeting ytd at camp and cldnt make it. some more i tot that since i supposedly have the 8-5 job, i wld b free at night to run or go out and stuff... hoho i was wrong bout that...

all i can look forward to is still the weekends these days. meet ppl, have fun, catch up, dun have to see rsm face... thats the true life.